One of the most painful experiences in life is the end of a relationship. Our significant other is that one special person with whom we share our lives, experiences, and moments. Good and bad moments. That combination of good and bad is exactly what makes us hurt and what makes a break up so difficult.
Holidays are a tricky time when we feel alone, betrayed and devastated after a break up. It does not matter when the break up happened… this season might bring up some lingering and unprocessed emotions. These emotions can lead us to feeling that heavy sensation in our bellies and that tightness in our chest and throat getting in the way of us being able to fully enjoy this time of year.
Here are some tips that can help you enjoy and celebrate this holiday season for you:
Connect with your Inner You
One of the hardest aspects of a breakup has to do with how we are left feeling about ourselves. Many times we question ourselves and feel that we are not important to others, that our feelings do not matter, that we are somehow not enough, or we feel ashamed or guilty. All these feelings lead us to treating ourselves in a critical way and to providing ourselves negative emotions. We might feel resentment, anger or a sense of profound sadness and depression leading to hopelessness and loss of energy. So, let’s see if we can switch that as you connect with who you really are… think of the following:
- Times when you are goofy
- Times when you are soft and gentle
- Times when you are loving, caring, generous
- Times when you offered a hand or a smile to someone.
As you connect with those times, what happens inside? Can you recognize your true you there? What do you like about yourself?
Connect with Love
It is important to recognize that we are also loved… there are many people that love us. Think of moments when others have shown you love: the smile of your child, of a friend, of a teacher, of a parent, brother/sister… think of all that you can with whom you have felt loved by. Take note of that love and all those special moments.
Let in Love
As you connect with both, love for yourself and love from others to you see if you can really let it in. Letting it in means to allow yourself to fully feel it and experience it. Close your eyes and see if you can feel the warmth of love inside of you.
Recognize Your Needs.
It is crucial that we learn to recognize our needs and ways to provide to ourselves of what we need in a caring and gentle way. As you connect with your beautiful you and all that you are that makes you special, and as you connect with all those with whom you feel comfortable and loved… see if you can recognize what you need at this moment. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you need to talk with someone?
- Do you need that friend with whom you just laugh and go have a wine with,
- Do you need that person that can listen and be there with you right now?
Recognize what would feel good right now.
Reach out and Let in
As you listen to your needs and imagine what would be nice right now, what do you need to do to meet this need? Reach out if you need to or push yourself to go out with that friend that has been texting you for some time and you never found the time to go out with. Give yourself the time to allow others to be with you. Feel their support, care, and love.
Give to Yourself
It is so important to take care of yourself in a gentle and loving way. Reaching out and being with others is great and also spending some time for yourself and with yourself. Pamper yourself with a hot bath, with a spa day… with whatever makes you feel relaxed, calm and receiving love from yourself. As you are doing any of these activities, be mindful of those positive emotions towards yourself.