Many people ask me how long it will take for them to get over their ex or what a “normal” time frame to get over a broken heart is. Unfortunately, there is not a magic number or time to get over someone. There are similarities in how we feel when a relationship ends, but we each have our own unique story, thus how we navigate through our grief varies from person to person. We all have our own experiences of loss and ways of loving throughout our lives.
Every single experience since even before we are born affects who we are today and how we grief. Our grief process depends on how we felt in difficult moments of our lives, how we expressed our feelings, how others responded to us, and how we made sense of what happened.
All of these things come into play when getting over someone. Many times, past wounds reopen during these times, wounds that we might not even be aware of, making it harder to get past someone. Unresolved past pain appears as intense states of anxiety and/or depression or it might manifest itself through physical illness such as gastrointestinal, cardiovascular, or autoimmune issues.
The good news is that this is a time where we are more open, more in touch with our feelings. We can use this as an opportunity to grow and change. It could be like a wakeup call. A call to look inside of you and heal what you have not healed for years, what you tried to ignore and hoped it would pass if you simply stopped thinking of it.
You might learn about yourself and even learn to relate with yourself in a different way which will inevitably lead you to find relationships that are more fulfilling and lead to a deeper and more meaningful connection.