There is no perfect relationship. There are times when we miss each other, when we feel invisible, unimportant, small. These moments bring with them intense emotions and feelings like hurt, embarrassment, shame, fear, insecurity, anger. Sometimes we struggle as we either direct these emotions towards ourselves or towards someone we love and need emotionally. This generates internal tension and we try very hard to keep them away from our awareness. We hope that if we do not see them, or feel them, they will go away.
Unfortunately, this does not happen. The intense energy of these emotions is still present and has an impact on how we see relationships, how we interpret the world, and how we see ourselves. No, there is more psychic energy put forth to keep all this away creating intense states of stress. All these unseen emotions appear in ways such as anxiety and depression.
We know anxiety. We know depression. We know that we do not like them, but somehow we rather keep them. We find so many ways not to work on ourselves, not to focus on what is the most important thing in our lives… us. We find so many strategies of distraction. We do not have time, it is too expensive, we put so many priorities before working on ourselves and confronting the real problem, the root of our suffering.
What we think is our problem is actually a solution for something else. Think about it… if we drink too much and we ask ourselves what purpose drinking has… maybe it is to socialize, maybe it is to forget about my pain… so what is the problem, drinking or the difficulty connecting with others, or the pain that I feel. Drinking becomes a problem, but what is causing it is the real problem. If we focus on the drinking, we might be losing sight of what is really happening.
So, when you have a problem and you find yourself finding excuses not to attend to it… because you know what you need to do. You know that something feels bad, something is not quite right. You know that and you also know what you need to do: maybe look for professional help, maybe start working on yourself. If you find yourself procrastinating in your own health, rationalizing that you do not have time, you are so busy, not being able to find help because it is so expensive, yet you find the money to buy that dress or go to dinner… we keep putting ourselves in second place in our priority list. Ask yourself what you might be avoiding, what you might be scared of finding if you did take a look inside, if you did give yourself time to explore… what would happen if that problem that you think is the problem was not there… what is that problem helping you hide?
At the same time, I can tell you with 100% certainty that we can keep running away, we can keep doing what we do to avoid feeling those feelings, the more we avoid them, the bigger our developed problem will get, the more you will feel stuck and the more you will keep on repeating and returning t that painful place over and over… a place of disconnection with others, a place of intense stress, anxiety, depression… maybe being on edge, irritable, overreacting to situations and life….
Because Your Well-being Matters
All my patients who have found the courage to look inside, who have taken time for themselves, time to heal have found that although it hurts, the intensity goes down once you allow it in a safe and gentle environment. You can free yourself from your past by addressing it, by looking at it, by working through it… if not, your past will keep on knocking on your door in disguised ways, but ways that have you living on edge and unhappy. You deserve to be happy, you can be happy.